secretinternetbox asked you: STOCKING STUFFER. YOUR & REN'S PARANORMAL TIM. CAUSE I'MN USING THIS ASKBOX FOR EVIL
"Tim. The apocalypse is nigh."
"Yes. Well. I've got three papers to finish and a final in four hours." Tim replies, shuffling his notes around. "Can it wait?"
"You have to stop the apocalypse."
"Can I finish my final first? I mean. If I'm going to go down – I want to go down knowing that I took my final. It seems like a waste to go through all the work and not finish – "
"Meredith, the apocalypse in Gotham happens every other week. I'm sorry – it kind of lost its dramatic flare some time around the sixth grade." Tim turns to the ghost. "But seriously. Can it at least wait an hour? I'll be done with one of the papers by then and mostly started on another. It'd be a good time to take a break – "
Meredith squints at him. Well. The half of her face that isn't caved in squints at him.
"You are the worst paranormal investigator ever."
"I didn't choose to be one." Tim replies – just as Hector and Dave float in through the window.
"The apocalypse is nigh." Hector says -
"Meredith told me – "
"And it's the dumbest end of the world I've seen yet." Dave says, scratching his chin. "What's with all these newfangled rituals and cultists these days? What happened to a good old fashioned rapture?"
Tim pinches the bridge of his nose.
"I don't know. Maybe I'll look it up after this paper – "
"Paper? What're you writing about?" Hector floats over to look at Tim's computer. He squints, leaning in. "This print is too darned small. You're gonna ruin your eyes like that – "
"I'll get to that problem when I get to it." Tim waves Hector away. "C'mon guys. We talked about this – "
"The apocalypse, Tim." Meredith throws her arms up. "It's here, it's not queer, and I don't want to get used to it."
"Oh my god. Okay fine. I'll take care of it – " Tim pushes away from his desk, goes to his closet – "Cornelia, why are you in my closet?"
The pixie looks up at him. "I'm checking your supply of holy water."
Tim picks up the water gun. "Thanks."
"Don't forget the salt!" Dave says.
"Because ghosts and demons have heart problems." Tim mutters.
"And your iron!"
"And when you think about it, if you hit anything with iron hard enough they're going to die." Tim rolls his eyes. "Okay. Okay. I got it. I'm going. One end-of-of-the-end-of-the-world coming up."
hauntedlittledoll asked you: Stocking Stuffer: Miss Hearts, what do you think about Tim giving a pop culture lesson to his less-informed siblings or even fellow Titans before an undercover mission?
"That's really not the proper way to use the – Much wrong. Such sad." Tim says, and he can't believe he has to do this. Damian he would understand. Cass he would understand. Jason, Dick, and Steph?
He expected more from them. Considering they used to tease him on his backwards pop culture knowledge.
Jason's eye twitches. Dick looks politely confused, and Steph. Well. Tim's pretty sure Steph's caught on on this stuff the first time he explained it. She's just pretending not to know to mess with him.
"Remind me how this is a thing?" Jason says, glaring at the printouts Bruce made Tim make, print, and distribute.
"If you explain how memes work they stop working as well." Tim replies. "It's not even that hard. You just…butcher grammar and be mildly sarcastic about it. Seriously. You guys used to tease me about my inability to use the popular vernacular. This should be easy for you."
"Yeah, but the slang back in the day was our thing." Dick points out. "Now all the slang originates from blogs and the internet and all the things that are you and Babs."
The only reason why Babs isn't the one doing this is because she's on vacation with her dad.
"It's the age of the techies and hipsters." Steph replies. reaching out to tug on Tim's shirt. "Your people have taken over, Tim."
"They aren't my people." Tim doesn't know who's more frustrated at this point. Jason – who can't get over the fact that the doge is a thing, or himself because he's got to put up with all of this. "I like plaid. I wear glasses because I have a vision impairment, and coffee is a necessity. Also. I got the piercings before they were in – "
"Wait, hold up - What piercings?"
Tim stares at Dick. Dick stares back. In fact, everyone stares back.
"Much fucked. Such dumb."
lancret asked you: Stocking Stuffer; Dick manages to convince the whole bat family to participate in secret santa. Everyone tries to figure out the best gift all while trying to keep who they picked a secret. (Can Bruce pick out Jason’s name and Tim picks out Damian)
"Did you rig this?" Tim says. Cass smiles. Tim swears. It's a wonderful sibling dynamic.
"You didn't think it was Dick?" Cass asks, "Why not?"
"It's his idea, but he wouldn't rig the thing." Tim replies, "He's weirdly moral about how he torments us."
Cass tucks herself against her mound of stuffed animals. If anyone were ever to say that Cass wasn't Bruce's favorite, Tim would laugh in that person's face. Cass is everyone's favorite and that's reflected in how they all bend over backwards for her. Cass is their pretty princess and she knows it.
"Damian is going to kill me. He's going to get me an assassin. He's going to get me assassinated." Tim sits next to her, she shoves a large pastel purple alpaca at him. He holds it, staring at it for a few seconds before carefully holding it to his chest. He's rewarded by a pat on the head.
"He wouldn't." Cass smiles. "He knows better by now."
"I don't want to know what you did." Because if Tim knows he can't pretend he didn't know. "What do I even get him? What makes Damian happy other than proving how superior he is over me? I don't have anymore organs to spare. It's not like I can give him my severed kidney or something."
"You're being stubborn about this." Cass holds a giant fluffy sheep, poking its nose against the alpaca's. Tim suddenly has a vision of tea parties and dress up games. Except both visions involve body armor, weapons, sparring, and a great deal of studded leather. It's actually a kind of relaxing image. "He likes music. He draws. He loves his dog."
"So. A sound track of myself getting my ass kicked, an oil painting of my dead body, and feeding my heart to his dog?"
Cass punches him.
"Ok, okay." Tim grimaces. "That hurt."
"I know." Cass pokes the alpaca with the sheep again. "You're welcome."
"For what?" Tim cautiously asks, nudging the sheep with the alpaca. Cass lets out a pleased hum.
secretinternetbox asked you: OR. THIS STOCKING STUFFER. PUPPIES. EVERYONE IS PUPPIES.
Bruce admits that he's not the best equipped to deal with…so many varieties of children. Damian is fine. Damian is at least half werewolf and therefore Bruce – in theory – should be able to understand half of him. It can't be that hard.
Dick's a werewolf as well. And he's more or less aware of how to control things and how it works.
Then there's Jason. Jason the hell hound who has no idea what that means or how to control it. And he looks at Bruce like Bruce would know. No. Bruce does not know. But he's going to because Jason's his, now, and he's not letting the pup wander around casually bursting into flames.
The manor is werewolf proof, not hellfire proof. Which would probably be a good investment for him to look into.
And somehow there's Cass who. Bruce isn't sure if she's some sort of Kitsune or a descendent of the Teumessian. Either way she stays out of trouble and for that she's quickly becoming his favorite. At least she's figured out how to put out the fires Jason accidentally starts. And she helps keep Tim calm. Always a plus.
Tim. Tim who's a rather underdeveloped – anyone can tell – black dog. Tim curls up against his side and he's only a little bit bigger than Cass. He's supposed to grow to at least Jason's size. He should be Jason's size by now.
It's not the first time that Bruce has the flickering concern that Tim was abandoned as a runt.
Either way. Bruce isn't equipped to deal with this. Jason whines, sulking and waiting for reprimand. Bruce can smell the smoke from the dying fire from across the manor. It's not even the full moon, he shouldn't be able to smell it. They're going to be airing out the manor for weeks.
Alfred is going to be so disappointed.